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How to be Cool

May 20, 2011

It has arrived!

I am so very, very excited. So eager to try on my new outfit that I don’t stop to fiddle with the “Open here” flap, and instead rip the packaging apart with a Hulk-like roar.

It is perfect! I don my new clothes, then call Badger in to admire me.

He stops short when he sees me, a look of delight in his eyes. “You look so cute!”

I preen for a moment, then pause. “Hang on, cute how? As in cute tennis outfit?”

“As in ninja pyjamas,” he clarifies with a grin.

“Pyjamas!” I howl in outrage.

“It’s a matching tracksuit, what do you expect?”

“It’s a hoodie and sports pants! I’m wearing this to the tennis club! I look cool and athletic! And warm!”

“But they match,” he points out, as if I haven’t noticed.

It is obvious that Badger has no fashion sense. I shouldn’t have expected anything more of him – this is, after all, the man who wears the same outfit so often that I want to rake my nails across my eyeballs.

Anyway, the hoodie and pants are meant to match. All the women at the club wear matching outfits, down to their earrings and racquets. They buy their clothes to match their racquets! My socks often don’t even match each other, let alone my shoes. But no longer! I will now be as colour-coordinated as the best of them. In fact, I might even be the first one to whip out the winter combo! Hooray for trendsetting me!

I explain all this to Badger. But he is adamant that I am wearing a matching tracksuit, the type that should only be worn by Will Ferrell and French joggers.

Doubt begins to creep in…

I need a different headband

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