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Poo Machine

January 18, 2009


My father watches with dismay as the golf ball lands in a custardy puddle of poo. Such is the level of his unhappiness that his eyebrows threaten to leap off his face. “Someone clean up the lawn!” he roars.

That someone turns out to be me. My heart sinks as I take note of the numerous poo puddles nestling in the grass. Trowel and plastic bag in hand, I trudge from one end of the lawn to the other. There is so much watery poo that it is a wonder that my dog has not expired from dehydration. My stomach turns as I hunker down next to the first puddle. I gingerly scoop it into the bag as quickly as possible while holding my breath. The bag steams up immediately. There is no sight more revolting than this.

The only one feeling more miserable is my dog. She lies dejectedly on her bed, lacking even the energy to gloat at me as I gag repeatedly. She is suffering from diarrhoea. Of the bum. It cannot feel good to poo your body weight in a day.

Still, it is hard to feel pity when I am in such proximity to her poo. To make matters worse, it is a stinking (I pun) hot day and the heat waves become poo whiff waves. Every time I am forced to take a breath, I am reminded that I am probably inhaling poo molecules as well.

Finally I am finished with poo patrol. The lawn is as clean as I can manage. My father will just have to watch out for the splotchy patches of grass when he gets back to his golf practice.

Suddenly I hear a strange groan. With a surprising burst of energy, my dog dashes to the grass and hurriedly squats. My frustration surges but dies down when I see her little face furrowing and her tail quivering with strain.

It is time for a visit to the vet.

Update: 3 days later

I have never been so happy to see solid poo in my life.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. January 20, 2009 12:03 am

    erm ..what happened to the golf ball? You cleanse it?

  2. Vimalan permalink
    January 21, 2009 1:41 pm

    your family sure has a problem with their butts. ha ha ha. dirty pimple bum larr, constant pooing.

  3. Chubby Zebra permalink
    January 22, 2009 12:49 pm

    Lisalicious: Haha, it’s still there. No one wanted to touch it!

    Vimalan: Wait til I see you, I’m gonna unload a bottom burp on you!!!!

  4. Cheryl permalink
    February 1, 2009 5:56 am

    I have never come across a dog with diarrhoea before, and I’ve had quite a few. What in the world do you give her?!

  5. Chubby Zebra permalink*
    February 1, 2009 11:29 am

    Really?? Your dogs must have (had) iron stomachs! The vet gave me some charcoal pills, which did the job. Thank god…cuz she was also a Fart Machine during her diarrhoea days.

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