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July 4, 2008

It has come to my attention that back in Kuala Lumpur, my dog is now being treated to chicken porridge, a soft boiled egg, and toast every Sunday.

What. The. Hell.

No one cooked me a soft boiled egg when I was last home! And I was there for a whole month! This is how my dog treats me after an entire decade of belly rubs and cuddles (sometimes, I even returned the favour too). By sneakily worming her way into my mother’s heart and taking my place as #1 in my absence! Oh the betrayal, how it burns!

She’s even got her own chair! Where’s my special chair?!

What particularly irks me is the fact that my traitorous dog gets to breakfast on a soft boiled egg every week. I can’t even remember the last time I had one. I would boil myself one this very minute if I could just get the damn timing right. But alas, every time I try, the egg ends up under- or overcooked.

But if my dog thinks that she’s won this round, she is sadly mistaken. That’s right, my furry little friend, the competition isn’t over yet.

Because I have just bought a microwave egg boiler.

Nothing could be easier. All I have to do is add (up to) four eggs and some water, and pop it into the microwave for four minutes, then voila! I’ll have soft boiled eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. I’ll fill the bathtub with soft boiled eggs and splash around in runny yolk. All this while she waits pathetically for Sunday to roll around so that she can have her one measly egg.

Hah! How do you like them bananas now, dog?!

I am so pleased with myself that I start whistling as I set the timer on the microwave. Beep! Beep! goes the microwave. Ha! Ha! I laugh in time with it. I hop up onto the kitchen counter and watch my soon-to-be-soft-boiled eggs revolving away. While waiting, I start composing an email for my mother to read out to my dog.

Dear Traitorous Dog,

I thought that you might be interested to hear that I have recently procured a microwave egg boiler. That’s right. I can have soft boiled eggs any time I want. Unlike a certain somebody who has to twiddle her non-existent thumbs patiently for a whole week. I just want you to know that I’ll be thinking of your furry little face furrowed in frustration as I…

But I do not manage to complete my email. There is a loud explosion as the microwave door flies open. The top half of the egg boiler shoots out at me and I catch it expertly with my face. Before tears of pain can blur my vision, I catch sight of the interior of the microwave. It is covered with egg. Egg, egg, and more egg. Egg that was meant to be in my belly!

Boo! The disappointment is hard to swallow. The egg boiler is a dud. I will not be able to swim in soft boiled eggs after all. Then another realisation strikes. With this one, I want to curl up in a dark corner and weep until I shrivel up from dehydration.

I have lost to my dog.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Vimalan permalink
    July 8, 2008 10:12 pm

    ding ding ding round one to the dog. no worries im sure you get the next round. now i have a craving for soft boiled eggs, i do the the old fashioned way, wait patiently for it to boil instead of putting in a microwave soft boiled egg maker thingy.

  2. Chubby Zebra permalink
    July 15, 2008 8:28 pm

    That’s the problem la, I never get the timing right when I do it the old fashioned way. Maybe I should bring one of those BIG plastic egg boiler things from back home when I go back for a holiday.

  3. August 4, 2008 10:38 am

    There can’t be such a thing as a microwave egg boiler… Eggs are designed to explode in the microwave…

    How to make them the old fashioned way:
    1. Boil water
    2. Place eggs in something heatsafe
    3. Pour the boiling water in, leave for ONE full minute
    4. Remove eggs
    5. Done!

  4. Chubby Zebra permalink
    August 4, 2008 8:23 pm

    There is!! I didn’t make it up, boo hoo hoo!

    And are you sure that’s all there is to it? Hmmm…very suspicious. My mom tried to teach me once and I remember it being a lot more complicated…

  5. August 7, 2008 7:36 pm

    That looks like an egg-sized bomb shelter!! Very telling.

    Yes it’s really that simple. Couldn’t hurt to try!

  6. Chubby Zebra permalink
    August 10, 2008 8:44 pm

    Hmm…after one min, the eggs came out suspiciously raw. Did you mean eggs at room temp or fridge temp?

  7. August 18, 2008 1:48 pm

    Ahahha… Room temperature, we don’t keep our eggs in the fridge. That, plus we usually don’t pounce on the eggs as soon as the timer hits 60 seconds. We usually dither a bit, grabbing utensils and soy sauce and what not. So maybe it’s two minutes? One and a half minutes?

    I think I need to calculate exactly how many seconds it takes!

  8. Chubby Zebra permalink
    August 19, 2008 8:37 pm

    You don’t keep your eggs in the fridge?!! Next you’ll be telling me that the tomato sauce is left outside too!

    I tried leaving an egg (fridge-cold) in a mug of boiling water for 7 minutes. It still came out too raw! How ridiculous!

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