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June 30, 2008

A stowaway cockroach!!!

It crawls out from the recesses of the packing box as soon as I open the flaps. I do not notice it until a feeler touches my hand. A feeler is TOUCHING my hand!!! I leap up with a girly shriek and backpedal until I hit the far wall. I flap my hand violently, trying to shake off cockroach feeler molecules that have undoubtedly landed on it.

It skitters further out of the packing box, poking its shiny head and twitching feelers over the edge of a flap. I let out another girly shriek. Stay in the box! Stay in the box! But the cockroach has other thoughts, sticking a spiky leg tauntingly over the edge. It’s going to escape out into my room and lay cockroach eggs everywhere! It’s going to raise a cockroach family in my bed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Spurred into action by this thought, I grab my tennis racket and slap the flap back down. The cockroach falls back into the box and I quickly close the other flaps. Then I mummify the box in masking tape – there will be no gaps for this cockroach to squeeze through! I add a plank on top to weigh the flaps down some more, and a clothes basket as well for good measure. I watch the box warily from my perch atop the desk. I am armed with an open swiss army knife, ready to stab it if it manages to chew its way out through layers of cardboard and tape.

It occurs to me that if the cockroach does stay imprisoned in the box, the only way it will die is from lack of food. Therefore, I have to stay on watch until one of us dies from hunger. I suspect that it might be me. Already the mere thought of the word “food” has caused my stomach to start rumbling. Evidently, I need to call for help.

Who shall I ask for aid? A neighbour would be the most obvious choice. But alas, the only one who would be in at this time is the sweet old lady next door. The one who needs a zimmer frame to get around. Handy for knitting jumpers, but not for smooshing cockroaches. That leaves…


It is times like these that make me especially grateful to have Badger. Opener of stubborn jars, carrier of heavy items, smoosher of cockroaches. He is the modern day hero to the girl in trouble.

I make a distress call and await rescue.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 30, 2008 11:54 pm

    Haha to that extent? The poor cockroach.You know I once spied on a cockroach laying its sack of eggs in the toilet. Pretty disgusting really, wonder why i stayed till it was done.
    Anyways, I did try some of cocktails there in Bangkok.You see, my parents read my blog sometimes and I don’t think they should know about me taking liquor, what with me being a Malay and everything. Though i get wasted pretty fast, i still enjoy drinking with my buds. Weak, i know. haha
    I read your previous blog, you worked as a bartender once eh? pretty cooool. you gotta mix some drinks for me one day when you’re back in M’sia aight.
    take care

  2. Chubby Zebra permalink
    July 2, 2008 8:46 am

    Poor cockroach??? POOR MEEEEEE!! I was so worried that the cockroach had laid eggs in one of my folders…what do roach eggs look like anyway???

    Whoops, sorry about that. Didn’t think about your parents stumbling on your blog. Will self-censor my comments next time. 😉 And dude, I’m chinese. I’d get wasted even quicker than you. Hahahaha!

    And bout the bartender thing…I don’t recall if I wrote it there, but it was for all of 2 hours. As a bar experience thing after I took a workshop. So in effect, I actually PAID to work behind a bar, lol.

    Thanks for swinging by!

  3. Vimalan permalink
    July 2, 2008 8:02 pm

    No worries, im sure he would come to your rescue, eventually. you always have the cockroach to eat. lolz

  4. July 3, 2008 11:29 pm

    IT’s a cockroach. Grab a paper and smash it. 🙂

  5. Chubby Zebra permalink
    July 4, 2008 2:39 pm

    Vimalan: Or the cockroach might eat me. It works both ways.

    Paul: Then I’ll have cockroach guts to clean up!! That’s just as bad!

  6. July 4, 2008 9:32 pm

    Trust me on this.

    Baygon works miracles.

    Actually, it is fun to let them breed and then you can go around with a can of Baygon and spray at them one by one and watch them squirm to death

  7. Chubby Zebra permalink
    July 4, 2008 10:35 pm

    *Gulp* I think that you and I have vastly different ideas of ‘fun’. As I recall, bug spray makes roaches scurry away even faster. Imagine one scurrying blindly UP MY LEG!! Craziness!!

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