Always No. 1

“C’MON GEELONG!!!”

We are with Badger’s family, watching the grand final.

“Why are you supporting Geelong?” his mother asks. I explain that I am a firm believer in winning, so I always support the team with the better odds.

His family is surprised. Apparently, it is family tradition to go for the underdog. This leaves me in a bit of a bind. On the one hand, I want to be part of the family. On the other though, I do like being a champion.

Ooh, this is a tough one. I weigh my priorities. As important as winning is to me, this might be a Badger clan test. I need to step carefully here.

As if a sign from The Powers That Be, Mooney boots one through the posts.

“GO THE CATS!” I scream.

Buggery poo.

Oh well, in for a penny. I cheer enthusiastically for Geelong, determined to stick up for my winning team in the face of so much opposition.

Into the second quarter, my smugness starts to crumble. The Saints have somehow stolen the lead. Disaster!

Badger’s mum teases me, asking if I would like to swap teams. I waver… What’s the point of supporting a not-winning-anymore team? Only heartbreak and humiliation lie ahead.

But I hold true to loyalty, stubbornness, and pride! These are the secret ingredients in the Aussie sausage roll; what masks the taste of offal and makes this the nation’s staple snack. I stay strong in my support for Geelong. Sally forth, my beauties! This is just a momentary setback. I will come out of this with glory yet!

My steadfast support must be an inspiration to the Cats. Even though the teams are evenly matched, Geelong fights back and narrows the margin. Slowly but surely, they inch ahead. I silently gloat, already mentally rehearsing my Who’s the Champion! dance.

With minutes to spare and Geelong in front, Badger makes a cheeky offer, “I’ll buy you a KFC meal if St. Kilda wins.”

“LET’S GO, ST. KILDA!!!”

But it was too late. Rousing as my wave of sudden support would’ve been, there just wasn’t enough time for it to travel all the way east to Melbourne and work its magic on the Saints.

Bloody Geelong.